Mafia Gazette Past Issue 61
The Mafia Gazette Issue 61 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Friday 2nd December 'PRINCE EARNULF CROWNED KING OFF GEATS ' By: Yasser3 Early in the evening off the last day off November, King Earnulf, brother off the late Prince Cynewulf the Poet, was crowned ‘King off the Geats’. The ceremony, which happened in the grand hall off the Geat Palace, was a lavish affair. A few off the faces seen around the hall included the gorgeous Jesspre her date for the night, TieDomi .The dancing and music, and the feast was lavish . The Palace seemed well protected for a change, and the guards were all on alert, scanning visitors and even the press. There was a poignant tone in the King’s voice when he mentioned the Countess Callico, and rumours about a possible relationship are spreading far and wide. The Coronation ceremony ended nicely, with most off the guest and the King himself either tiered, or just plain drunk. As one off the guests were heard saying, “Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” 'TANZINI WEDDING DAY JOY ' Following on from controversy, intrigue and nefarious dealings at the hands of Fletcher, the wedding of Miguel and Bluebel finally took place on Monday. The guest list was extensive with several mobsters coming out of retirement to support Miguel on is final journey out of Bachelorhood. Such notables as sims, Big Al The Fish and Tom joined many other well-wishers to observe the proceedings. The bride wore a very beautiful gown with matching veil and carried a bouquet of roses, with the groom equally as well-dressed. The vows were written by Miguel himself and both bride and groom repeated them happily, exchanging rings at the end of the vows. Many people came to offer their congratulations following the service and then proceeded on to the reception, which is still continuing. We at the Gazette would like to extend our heartfelt congratulations to the happy couple and hope their union is a long and happy one, blessed with much good fortune. 'THE DIGNITY OF THE BODYGUARD ' By: Gazette Reporter In the 60th Issue of the Gazette, we reported that the funerals of bodyguards were going largely unattended and that the families of bodyguards were finding closure difficult. An overwhelming response from the community is turning the tides and it means the world to those who have lost a loved one to the protection services profession. Iolo Bannon, 42 year old father of three, was inadvertently shot by his employer and appears to have died instantly. His distraught employer, in a moment of grief, had been attempting a suicide, when Mr. Bannon rushed forward to grapple for possession of the weapon. While the unnamed employer managed to survive, Mr. Bannon took a bullet to the neck, severing his spinal cord. Paramedics rushed to the scene but Mr. Bannon was pronounced dead at 2:23 PM on 1 December 2005. Despite not having their father home for Christmas, his two boys and little girl are putting on a brave face. “Daddy was a bodyguard,” says 8 year old Carla at the funeral. She looked like she wanted to say more but the emotion of the moment overcame her and she broke down into tears. Also distraught, Mr. Bannon’s sons were unavailable for comment. The widowed Mrs. Bannon was able to say a little more. “It means so much to us that the community recognises the sacrifice of bodyguards. One well-wisher told us ‘bodyguards are the real heroes’ and knowing that my husband died a hero makes all the difference in the world.” Sid Rizzo, 31 year old ladies man and eligible bachelor, didn’t always agree with his employer, but was always there for him when he needed to be. Vague reports indicated that his employer had planned a hit on another Mafioso and called upon the services of Mr. Rizzo for the afternoon. Unfortunately for Mr. Rizzo and his employer, the target caught wind of the plan and was prepared for the occasion. Ambushing his assailants, the intended victim managed to fire 3 rounds into Mr. Rizzo’s back as he bundled his employer into a nearby car. Unfortunately, Mr. Rizzo died on route to the nearest hospital and doctors pronounced him dead on arrival at 2:01 PM on 1 December 2005. Tony Rizzo, 33 year old brother of Sid Rizzo, was like his brother in many ways. He too was a ladies man and an eligible bachelor. He too was killed in the line of duty at 2:09 PM on 1 December 2005. The circumstances of his death are unclear, and it is uncertain whether he had heard of his brother’s death at the time of his own departure. Could this have caused a lapse in concentration and contributed to his untimely death? The Gazette would like to know more and urge those with information to step forward. Down at the Rusty Buffalo, a notorious Denver Strip Club, the many dancers say that Rizzo Brothers will be sorely missed. The associates of the brothers were too drunk for comment, but one well wisher at Sid’s funeral is quoted as saying “RIP you are a good man for being a bodyguard”. Tony, while the lesser known of the Rizzo Brothers, also had tributes paid at his funeral. Andrew Hoddle, 61 year old grandfather, was close to retirement age when his employer called upon him to make the bodyguard’s sacrifice. Mr. Hoddle’s very large family all turned out to see him off to the peaceful life after. Many well wishers attended to pay their respects, a tribute to how this kind, generous, and indeed brave man had genuinely touched the community. One well wisher was quoted as saying “RIP brave servant”. The family did not wish to be disturbed for interview, but did release a statement through a close family friend: “The name Andrew is translated to mean ‘brave, strong, and manly’, I think he proved every bit of that sentiment.” While the reports on this incident are varied, conflicting, and hazy, it would appear that someone intended to crush his employer by throwing a grand piano from a rooftop. With the ever expanding shadow around his employer alerting Mr. Hoddle to the danger, he leapt into action and pushed his employer to safety. Unfortunately, this did not leave Mr. Hoddle with enough time to save himself and was crushed. Eye witness reports say that with a free hand and his last ounces of strength, he tried to play a little tune on the piano that killed him, but alas it appeared badly in need of a tune-up after plummeting three floors. Corben Stevens, 35 year old bodyguard and amateur vocal stylist (sporadically appearing at the Lazy Hippo, a Las Vegas casino), was killed by an unidentified assailant when he was sharp to spot the danger to his employer. It was an easy choice for him to make as his professional integrity and his helpless infatuation for his employer spurred him to face death with bared teeth and gritty determination rather than allow harm to come to Miss Vicci. “R.I.P. You did your job well, I am in your debt.”, Mr. Stevens’ employer was quoted as saying at his funeral. A sealed envelope was delivered to the Gazette Headquarters following the death of Mr. Stevens, and true to his request we have published it without modification. We would be very interested if Miss Vicci has any comment for Issue 62 of the Gazette. “Dear Miss Vicci, As your bodyguard, I had to be objective. As a man, I cannot help but fall hopelessly in love with you. I could never tell you while I was alive, because I knew I had to stay professional – being a bodyguard was what I did. You were my only friend in my most lonely of hours, and growing up as an orphan, you were like my only Family too. Protecting you from harm was the greatest joy, and best privilege I could ever have asked for. I hope you are safe and that you have found a replacement for me. I think I believe in an afterlife and I hope we will see each other again… but not too soon. Stay beautiful, stay safe, and know that you were loved more deeply than can ever be expressed. All my heart and soul, Corben.” And with those heartfelt words of Mr. Stevens, we leave this report with the undying gratitude of the Gazette to its readers, who have righted a terrible wrong. The dignity of our bodyguards is important, and this reporter will walk hand-in-hand with the community in striving to preserve that dignity. Thank you. 'DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW ' A Commentary by BarbieDahl Some of the old family lines are leaving this place, because quite frankly…it’s just too damn unstable. Now, I understand why they are leaving, the part that has me baffled is…if the old, established families aren’t here to help us grow…who will? The random whackers??? The n00bs??? Or worse…me??? I can’t say that I blame them for leaving, but you’d think they would have at least left us the directions to run this place. I’m sure there’s a manual around here somewhere. A “How To” guide perhaps. A map. A set of keys to the Executive washroom. Something for Christ’s sakes. My final thought…just remember, the only difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer is the taste. Wash that thought down with your morning coffee. 'NEW FEATURE: ADVICE COLUMN ' Has life got you down? Is the don bustin' ya balls? Is the new kid on the block muscling in on your operation? Need to slag someone off for the hell of it? Moran's here... and he is listening. And more than likely he will give you some advice. THE NEWEST FEATURE OF THE AWARD WINNING NEWS SOURCE! "Moran's Ranting And Ravings!" Send your issues, problems or general comments to Moran... ... At least Moran listens! 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) JESSPRE'S TONIGHT A COWBOY PARTY FOR THE GUEST OF THE CORONATION ! Jesspre's NY Bar will host a party for the guest of the coronation. As you know everyone is invited to any of the parties at Jesspre's Bars. So come one, come all let's party tonight doors open at 7pm Mafia time. Meet the new King and his royal party. AS ALWAYS ONLY 2 RULES, ALL GUNS KEPT HOLSTERED AND HAVE FUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Are you sick of being fleeced by Bubba? Does the croupier laugh everytime you sit down for a game of blackjack? Cant tell a donkey from a thoroughbread? Maybe you should try your hand at Crinions Betting Shop http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?general&id=8249 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) The Bloody Needle is now open.We are a full service tatoo, piercing shop with locations nationwide.With over 20 years in the biz we offer clean sterile tatoos and piercings. mention this ad and get a free piercing. 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) The Icecreme bar is now open.Please visit one of our locations today.We have icecreme,sodas,fries and shakes. Stop in today. mention this ad and recieve a free shake of your choice 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '